1. i noticed that i always told the story never showed it so my essays always lacked that part where you could visualize the story.
2.After having my story revised i started to show and not tell by letting my readers imagine how the story happened.
3.If i could edit my draft some more i would add more punctuation to make my story sound stronger.
4.I load up one my board and slam my right foot down on the board then slide my left foot up it. i like this sentence because it makes me feel like i am really doing that trick.
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